Some Good Things On The Internet

The internet… something frustration something– You’ve heard all of that, so instead Here are some fun things I’ve seen.

One of my favorite funny-video brands on Youtube put up the only exception to an otherwise spotless record of erudite satire. The awesome thing that happened there was in the comment thread. Contrary to the reputation of the proverbial peanut gallery, people expressed themselves with thoughtful criticism as opposed to the bullying anger you can find almost anywhere else. What I really took away was the realization that I’ve come to expect so very little from these threads that I hadn’t really looked at one in a long time. To my amazement, I discovered that the comment threads in most of the channels I frequent were positive or at the very least friendly. While I wasn’t looking, the internet became friendlier.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve sat at my Facebook status trying to compose the magic combination of words that will turn everyone who reads them into a thoughtful, helpful commenter. There’s no way to do that in a status update and the attempt always comes off condescending. After spending more time than I wish I had, whittling one such attempt the other day. I prepared to post it and face the din of defensive corrections, then instead  I wrote “hehehhehe Kittens are just great!”.

I can’t change the world from a single post to my social media, no one can. Imagining those words exist was a source of hostility and nothing else to speak of.

A friend of mine posted something that seemed pretentious at a glance, but proved to be pretty damn funny. Anything that happens anywhere will eventually be a matter of public record, but things that happen in the courts are thoroughly documented into public record. I must admit to a disturbing dark side in the sheer amount of wasted energy and time that went into the events this document recorded, but the judge’s obvious disdain for everyone involved and how he expresses that are fun.

The first sentence reads:

This comedy of errors–sometimes inaccurately described as litigation–was about whether defendant committed copyright infringement by downloading a file through a peer-to-peer sharing system. That initial complaint, however, has long since been resolved.”

Basically some failed attorneys bought the copyrights to some porn and baited a bit torrent. They’d intimidated anyone they could track into settling before they could realize the claim against was borderline fraudulent. Anytime someone did fight back, a shitstorm of bureaucratic stupidity ensued, preventing anyone from getting anything done. The judge was fed up with the nonsense and does nothing to mask his disdain.

“On one hand, it is readily apparent that plaintiff’s behavior during this proceeding significantly deviates from what this court deems to be acceptable conduct during the course of litigation.

My personal favorite is where he observes that all the parties created a circle jerk of recovering their legal expense for pouring buckets of shit onto the fan.

“The entirety of the litigation past that point, however, inured no additional benefit to defendant. Instead, defendant’s counsel created an ouroboros–generating attorney’s fees for attempts to recover attorney’s fees.”

It’s comforting to know that the judge eventually fined one of these chuckle-heads with something like ten grand. Read the whole document–It’s entertaining! Also, I learned the word, “ouroboros”.

Here’s the document!

I felt way better about “heheheh! Kittens are just great…” than I ever have about the arrogant “shame-on-us-all” status update I’m prone to attempt. In not attempting to fix the internet single-handedly, I may finally have taken a constructive step towards that end. Our lives are built mostly of mundane things, and it’s not wrong that we want to share them. I’ve never seen a plate of food that inspired me to grab my camera, but why not? I enjoy the thought that my friends are leading lives they like well enough to want to share some piece of it with us.The internet only sucks as much as we let it.

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